Growing up between two worlds

The pressure to succeed

Many parents rebuilt their lives from nothing, and education feels like the safest path. Hearing “doctor, engineer or lawyer” can feel like love and a weight at the same time. Research on children of immigrants describes a strong sense of duty to repay parents’ sacrifices, which can push young people to hide stress, sadness or failure.

Too Tamil, not Tamil enough

Young people often switch between cultures many times a day — at home, at temple or church, at school, online. Feeling you don’t fully belong anywhere is a known stress for second-generation youth. Racism, being stereotyped, and peer pressure around dating, drinking, or how you look can add to it.

Unspoken pain at home

Some children grow up around a parent’s war memories, grief or drinking without anyone explaining it. Others act as translators and helpers for their family from a young age. These quiet burdens are linked in research to anxiety and depression in children of refugees.

Why so few ask for help

Across Canada, racialized and immigrant youth are less likely to use mental health services than other young people, even when they need them. Common reasons include worry about family shame (“what will people say?”), not wanting to burden parents, and not finding counsellors who understand their culture.

• Feeling you can never rest or fail
• Hiding grades, relationships or feelings to keep the peace
• Burnout, panic, or numbing with screens, alcohol or drugs
• Thoughts that your family would be better off without you — please reach out now

You can honour your family and yourself

Your worth is not your grades or your job title. Talking to one trusted person, a school counsellor, or a free youth line like Kids Help Phone is a strong first step. Many parents, once they understand, want to help — the “Talking across generations” tips on the Learn page can make that first talk easier.